Give us your “three word assessments” of the current F1 drivers
Jenson Button,
Posted By: James Allen  |  08 Aug 2014   |  3:04 pm GMT  |  359 comments

With F1 now in the midst of the summer shutdown, just over half way through the season, we thought it would be fun to run a small competition and so we’ve decided to ask F1 fans for their Three Word Assessments of the current F1 drivers.

And the winner will get a pair of signed mini-helmets of Lewis Hamilton and Nico Rosberg.

The idea of three word assessments is to sum up in a concise phrase, using just three words of English, some aspect of drivers’ character or their performance. Ideally humorous, definitely no swearing or defamation, whatever you think captures a driver. You can do one, or all 22 drivers if you want.

Nico Rosberg, Jean Eric Vergne

So for example for Nico Rosberg you might choose, “Don’t underestimate him” or “Speaks five languages” or “Lewis watch out!”

For Fernando Alonso you might go for something straight like “Never stops pushing” or something more sardonic like “Hates ear tweaking”.

It’s up to you.

Please use the comments section below to give us your Three Word Assessments of the current F1 drivers and the best one as chosen by JA on F1 staff will get a cool prize – a pair of much in-demand mini-helmets, of Nico Rosberg and Lewis Hamilton, signed by the drivers courtesy of our friends at Tata Communications

For information on how you can get involved in the F1 Connectivity Innovation Prize, click HERE

UPDATE: This competition is now closed. Thanks for taking part. The winning entry was this one from Moe S.

RAI – Rarely Appears Interested
MAL – Mishap Appears Likely
ROS – Really Outstanding Season
HAM – His Ailing Mercedes
RIC – Rapidly Improving Career
ALO – Another Lost Opportunity
VET – Victory Eluding Times
BUT – Brawn’s Ultimate Triumph
HUL – Heavily Unfair Legislation

Kamui Kobayashi, Pastor Maldonado

Sebastian Vettel, Kimi Raikkonen

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Lewis Hamilton: Fast, fragile, unfocused.


Generally Across All Drivers, mostly implied towards the fact that the teams dont let them do anything:

1. Boring

2. Restricted

3. In-Personable.

I just think that in general the current drivers are all too well media trained, too focused on what they can and cant say when representing sponsors and dont connect with the public all that much. My only acception is Ricciardo and Im a Ricciardo fan.

They feel unapproachable too. They are just representations of labels willing to pay the cashola


@steveh if you pay attention you'd notice a tattoo of a cross on hamilton and after his car caught fire he wore a rosary. is that relevant to this?


The guys he's beating must just be GIRLS!... 😀


@steveh, what does fragile mean? will anyone of you be able to beat hamilton at arm wrestling? or can anyone of you be able to cope with being sat in a car at 200mph approaching a corner with a brick wall on the other side of it? now think about all the media pressure he soaks up day in day out. whether he's on pole or not all the world's media demand to talk to him. whether he wins or not they still demand to speak with him. none of the drivers experience half as much of the media pressure he experiences. he even gets media pressure for not smiling after an unsatisfactory result. how does the word fragile correctly describe him? it's all condescension and disrespectful.


You seem a bit fragile when it comes to opinions on Hamilton you don't agree with. I think fragile is an apt description of Hamilton emotionally. He certainly has the most dramatic mood swings of any of the drivers. Much of the media coverage he has to deal with is of his own making, brought on by stupid things he says or does, due to the fragility of his emotions.

The "you couldn't do what he does" argument always sounds like it was written by a kid.

kenneth chapman

@ brent hahahaha it was.


interesting brent, i was under the impression that fragile meant his mental state was easily broken or delicate. but am sure he is mentally the strongest driver out there. senna was leading a race in monaco by a very long way and crashed on the last lap of the race. he went straight to his apartment, had a shower and left the circuit simply because he couldn't cope with explaining it to the team. hamilton on the other hand has never run away from adversity. all the drivers believe hamilton is the knarliest driver out there so how can the knarliest driver possibly be described as fragile? i am a truth fanatic.


Just chill out. All that is part of his job


James Allen: Best Web Site


don't like redesign


Religion? Really!













" is about time you respect him and stop all those disrespectful none sense..."

Seriously? His comment was not disrespectful in the slightest.

I think it's about time you stop *abusing* people for having an opinion which differs from your own.


Ros- Finnish-not, Finish Always

Ham-World's Fastest Popstar

Ric- Muggin' Honey Badger

Alo- World's Fastest Monobrow

Bot-Finnish Fairly Fast

Vet- Suzie Doesn't Blow

Hul- Always a Bridesmaid

But- Chamion Has Been

Mas- Somebody Elses Fault

Mag- Dewy Danish Delicacy

Per- Slims Boy-Toy

Rai- Dry Ice

JEV- 5-O-clock Shaddow of Riccardio

Gro-Headcase Schmeadcase

Kyv- Helmut's Boy-Toy

Bia- Italian Job Almost

Mal- Crash Test Transient

Sut- Splash & Slash

Gut- Well Financed Monobrow

Chi- Pounds Over Stones

Kob- Bonzai Samurai Zero

Eri- Swedish Meatball


Ha ha! You are killing me! HAM, ALO and GUT being the best!

H.Guderian (ALO Fan)

Mas- Somebody Elses Fault



Lovely Jeff. This is a gem "JEV- 5-O-clock Shaddow of Riccardio".. though how could you resist MAL - Crash Test *ummy ? (oh of course - no defamation allowed!)


This is the winner. I'm not even going to bother putting mine done. I was only going to insult maldanardo any way. Aw well I'm here now so I might as well.

Worse than hyrpes


22 out of 22 . For Kimi add Man to make it three words.


Great 🙂


Jeff Spencer's Chilton = "pounds over stones" must be the winner!


How is this analysis of Hamilton ill treating him? He's fast, a compliment, he's fragile in that he carries his heart on his sleeve, and he's unfocused because of all the distractions he has with hangers' on, etc. And frankly I don't want anybody 'praying' for me.


Fanatically, faithful, followers?


RAI: Not Fernando Alonso


RIC: New Aussie Grit


HAM: Mixin' Motor Maestro or Divides but Conquers

ALO: Sage Scarlet Savant

BUT: Percipient Pink Power-train or Pretty In Pink or Every Right Call

VET: Foremost Five-star Forerunner or Off Throttle Legend

RIC: Beaming Boy Wonder or Drives for Joy

ROS: Germaine German Joy!rider

SCHUMI: All Good Wishes!


Too Many Paydrivers


Capitalistic, immature, irrelevant

Ridiculous Money based sport meaning drivers don't have to win to be comfortable. with drivers who aren't pushing the envelope of driving endeavour and technology that doesn't push the ultimate performance envelope either.

I still watch the sport, but I'm at a loss as to explain what they are really proving.


= don't care anymore


Alonso: milkman, always delivers.

Kevin McCaughey

Much wasted talent


LH- the fastest driver

NR- good number two

FA- always there abouts

KR- best days behind

KM - still learning, quick

VB- faster than Massa

FM- he almost was

NH- one for future

SP- podium or nothing

SV- used to win

DR - the real deal

PM -money money money

RG- needs better car

JBi- waiting for ferrari

MC- always finishes, last.


Excellent You Win


thank you 🙂


Brilliant 🙂


Can't argue with any of that, superb




How could I forget JB... Can't find balance



NR: The fortunate underdog

LH: Mindgames aren't working

Red Bull:

DR: Beating the champ

SV: Suzie not delivering


FA: Midfield car maestro

KR: Where's first gear?


JB: Another uncompetitive car

KM: Podium in Oz

Force India:

NH: Still no podium

SP: Wolff in kitchen

Toro Rosso:

DK: Youngest points scorer

JEV: Goodbye F1 career


AS: Has 99 problems

EG: No points yet?


RG: McLaren Honda 2015

PM: Car flipping fun


JB: Where's my Ferrari?

MC: Woo, 21st baby!


KK: Overtaking not possible

ME: Enjoying sponsorship money?




Entertaining us all


Vettel - 'Title Defense Off'

Hamilton - 'Dogged but cursed'

Rosberg - 'Sneaky in Monaco'

Massa - 'Not my Fault!'

Maldonaldo - 'Outta the Way!'


Lewis Hamilton - British, so brilliant

Nico Rosberg - Brains over brawn

Daniel Ricciardo - Certainly no webber

Sebastian Vettel - Gimme my diffuser!

Valtteri Bottas - Number one Finn

Felipe Massa - adiós prancing horse!

Fernando Alonso - Four straight years!

Kimi Raikönnen - this ain't 'ice

Jenson Button - Hello Eddie Jordan

Kevin Magnussen - Please Honda, please...

Nico Hulkenberg - Could be worse

Sergio Perez - about the same...

Daniil Kvyat -

Max Chilton - Tortoise, not hare


Daniil Kvyat - vettel's grim reaper

JEV - Goodbye cruel world!

Romain Grosjean - Come back Eric!!!

Pastor Maldonado - Wham! Bam! Ban!

Esteban Gutierrez - wait, which one?

Adrian Sutil - Cul-De-Sac

Jules Bianchi - Cool as ice

Max Chilton (as seen above)

Kamui Kobayashi - a true racer

Marcus Ericsson - The best swede


Ricciado - beating vettel easily


what about - 'Next Big Thing'


LH- Fast Fragile Champion

NR- Dependable Professional Unbreakable

DR- Well Deserved Victor

SV- Truth comes out

FA- Faster than Ferrari

KR- Better next season

JB- Failed by McLaren

KM- Experience will empower


How true for FA I like it


FM- only bad luck

VB- wow limitless potential

PM- money over talent

RG- any faster drives?!

JBianchi -well done twice

MC- must get quicker

KK- glad your here

ME- could be worse

NH- deserves faster car

AS- bring back Paul

DK- keep her lit

JV- good team member


EG- good for Mexico


HAM - Fast But Fragile

ROS - Taking His Chances

RIC - Speedy Smiling Surprise

VET - Chips Are Down

ALO - Same Old Nando

RAI - Needs More Ice

BOT - Who Needs Ice?

MAS - This Side Up

HUL - Tall Guys Rule

PER - A Lonesome Podium

BUT - Still Fighting Fit

MAG - Doing Jan Proud

KVY - Boy To Man

VER - Unfortunately Sugar Free

SUT - Grey Is Grey

GUT - A Rollercoaster Ride

GRO - Save The Mammoths

MAL - Save The Humans

BIA - Ferrari's Prodigal Son

CHI - Nearly There Max

KOB - Faster Than Vettel

ERI - Please Try Again


Some good ones there, 'nearly there max' being my favourite.


Pastor Maldonado: "crash, bang, wallop"


My 3-word assessments!

Sebastian Vettel: Is getting annoyed.

Daniel Ricciardo: Never stops smiling!

Lewis Hamilton: Setting the pace.

Nico Rosberg: Consistency is key.

Fernando Alonso: Relentless, wise, Indefatigable.

Kimi Raikkonen: What's gone wrong?

Romain Grosjean: Perfectly adequate, currently.

Pastor Maldonado: Woeful pay driver.

Jenson Button: Pink for Papa.

Kevin Magnussen: Faster than father.

Nico Hulkenberg: Podium is imminent.

Sergio Perez: Basic speed apparent.

Adrian Sutil: Tough team change.

Esteban Gutierrez: Crashes too often.

Jean-Eric Vergne: Seems he's plateaued.

Daniil Kvyat: Arguably fastest rookie.

Felipe Massa: Excruciatingly unlucky chap.

Valtteri Bottas: The new Hakkinen.

Jules Bianchi: Finally scored points!

Max Chilton: Crashed into Bianchi.

Kamui Kobayashi: Still very popular.

Marcus Ericsson: Barely noticed him.

I hope you liked them. Sorry if some of them were a bit harsh!


Kimi Raikkonen "Leave Him Alone"


Fernando Alonso "Faster than you"

Pastor Maldonado "da-dum da-dum da-dum"

Felipe Massa "Not my fault"

Jenson Button "King of Adverts"

Nico Rosberg "How's my hair?"

Lewis Hamilton "It's hammer time"

Great competition James! Can't wait to read everyone else's replies.


Lewis: "It's hammer time". Love to hear it on the radio.


I don't know the judge of this contest (is it you James?) but "it's hammer time" should be a winner! Perfect...


Nico Rosberg - Following father's steps

Lewis Hamilton - Tries too hard

Daniel Ricciardo - Smiles to ears

Fernando Alonso - Faster than Massa

Valtteri Bottas - New flying finn

Sebastian Vettel - Four finger champion

Nico Hülkenberg - Heavy for Ferrari

Jenson Button - Master of rain

Felipe Massa - Half minute champion

Kevin Magnussen - Into deep water

Sergio Pérez - Can't handle pressure

Kimi Räikkönen - Don't bother him

Jean-Éric Vergne - Only way out

Romain Grosjean - Grabbed second chance

Daniil Kvyat - eyeing Vettel's place

Jules Bianchi - certain Ferrari driver

Pastor Maldonado - Better take cover

Adrian Sutil - no podium recorder

Esteban Gutiérrez - Money keeps him

Max Chilton - Slow but safe

Kamui Kobayashi - noone wants Japanese

Marcus Ericsson - Isn't Super Swede


Like the Four Finger Champion


Lewis: 'we're not friends'

Nico: 'my brakes work'

Vettel: 'losing really sucks'

Ricciardo: 'winning is great'

Alonso: 'Ferrari really sucks'

Kimi: 'Ferrari really sucks'

Massa: 'nobody hit me!'

Bottas: 'faster than Kimi'

Button: 'shut up Ron'

K-mag: 'giz a job'

Perez: 'the podiums mine'

Hulkenberg: 'I scored more'

Guitterez: 'why, sauber? Why?'

Sutil: 'why, sauber? Why?'

Vergne: 'aren't I winning?'

Kvyat: 'Russian roulette rules'

Chilton: 'a team effort'

Bianchi: 'more my effort'

The Caterham one I always forget: 'hello? Hello? Anybody?'

Kobyashi: 'don't fire me'


lol, my favorite is Nico's, "My brakes work". Also love lewis, "we're not friends"


Lol on the second to last, absolutely +1 🙂


Felipe Massa:

"Mistakes make people."


Lewis Hamilton - Still he rises

Nico Rosberg - Quicker than dad

Daniel Ricciardo - Revelation of season

Sebastian Vettel - Slump only temporary

Fernando Alonso - New car please

Kimi Raikkonen - Never shuts up...

Felipe Massa - Happiest with Rob

Valtteri Bottas - New flying Finn

Nico Hulkenberg - King of consistency

Sergio Perez - Do or die

Jenson Button - Smooth as silk

Kevin Magnussen - Australia not fluke

Jean-Eric Vergne - Needs to shine

Daniil Kvyat - Marko's new boy

Romain Grosjean - Will win races

Pastor Maldonado - Where's the brake?

Jules Bianchi - Future world champion

Max Chilton - Never breaks down

Adrian Sutil - Doesn't like Lewis

Esteban Gutierrez - That other Mexican

Kamui Kobayashi - Best Japanese driver

Marcus Ericsson - No Ronnie Peterson


Fernando Alonso....Simply the best...........Lewis Hamilton...qwik fit fitter.....Nico Rosberg...Whos behind me?............Seb Vettel....This car sucks.............Dan Ricciardo...This car ROCKS!!!!...........Pastor Maldonado...I crash you.


Like the RB drivers comments!!


Hamilton; Up then down

Alonso; In wrong car

Vettel; Not as good

Riccardo; Can't stop smiling

Rosberg; In right car

Bottas; Franks new hero

Massa; Has no luck

Magnussen; Worse than Button

Maldonado; Stock car racer?

Chilton; Handsome tail ender

Raikkonen; Trying his best



Ok, I'll do one for Massa: "_____ faster than you"


Daniel Ricciardo: Winning whilst grinning.


Lewis Hamilton - Never Stops Pushing.

Nico Rosberg - The Flying Finn!

Fernando Alonso - The Grand Master.

Kimi Raikonnen - Motivation in Question.

Daniel Ricciardo - World Champion Destroyer.

Sebastian Vettel - Nothing to Prove.

Jenson Button - Ron's Favourite Driver.

Kevin Magnussen - Brilliant First Race

Valtteri Bottas - Future World Champion.

Felipe Massa - Never His Fault.

Nico Hulkenberg - Deserves Top Drive.

Sergio Perez - Fast and Inconsistent.

Adrian Sutil - DTM is calling.

Esterban Gutierrez - Magnet for Maldonado.

Romain Grosjean - Proving Doubters Wrong.

Pastor Maldonado - Proving Doubters Right.

Jean Eric Verne - Ladies Love Him.

Daniil Kvyat - What a Find.

Max Chilton - Slowly Getting There.

Jules Bianchi - Scuderia Seat Waiting.

Kamui Kobayashi - Deserves Better Equipment.

Marcus Ericsson - Insert Comment Here.


Mercedes, Red Bull, Ferrari, Williams and McLaren . . .

NR : set for glory

LH : same DNF story

SV : fall from grace

DR : found his pace

FA : flogging dead horse

KR : nodding spent force

VB : moments of brilliance

FM : relies on resilience

JB : soon to retire

KM : a gifted trier


Alo eat dust kimi

Rai ice has melted

Vet fast but unlucky

Ric smile of speed

Ham to many mistakes

Ros fast and reliable

Bott consistent podium fighter

Mas not my fault


Nico Rosberg - Lucky Lottery Winner

Lewis Hamilton - Make A Hole

Daniel Ricciardo - 2016 World Champion

Fernando Alonso - Walks On Water

Valtteri Bottas - Watered Down Iceman

Sebastian Vettel - Law of Averages

Nico Hulkenberg - Walking Driver Rumor

Jenson Button - Will Not Honda

Felipe Massa - Shut Up, Drive

Kevin Magnussen - Dilly Dallying Dane

Sergio Perez - Shunt Or Nothing

Kimi Räikkönen - Happy Hour Hero

Jean-Eric Vergne - Optional Seat Warmer

Romain Grosjean - Occasionally Lifts Now

Daniil Kvyat - Prom King Peaking

Jules Bianchi - Never Driving Ferrari

Adrian Sutil - Got 99 Problems

Marcus Ericsson - Who Is This?

Pastor Maldonado - Why Why Why

Esteban Gutierrez - Did Not Finish

Max Chilton - Daddy's Money Man

Kamui Kobayashi - Just Happy Here


Can't wait untill this article has a 100 replies.


NR - Clever deception skills

LH - Fastidiou and fast


MAS - Other Guy's Fault


Kimi - Still Ferrari's Champion!

Alonso - Singapore Sling Anyone?

Lewis - "Hungrier Than Nico"


HAM – Incredibly bad luck

ROS – Not really German

RIC – Outshining his teammate

ALO – The surging Spaniard

BOT – A rising star

VET – Back to reality

HUL – The racers reacer

BUT – The F1 ambassador

MAS – One last hurrah

MAG – Less than advertised

PER – Better with Sauber

RAI – Lost some pace

VER – Always second best

GRO – The unhappy elephant

KVY – The Russian rusher

BIA – Ready for Ferrari

SUT – Mr. short temper

ERI – Good in bad

MAL – The incident magnet

GUT – A rain master

CHI – Paying his way

KOB – The last samurai


HAM: Back to Champion


Sebastian Vettel - Multi three one




My vote goes to you


Hamilton: Envies Nico's childhood

Rosberg: Uninspiring champ wannabe

Vettel: Increasingly frustrated boy

Ricciardo: Webber's best revenge

Alonso: Deserves fast car

Kimi: Is this Iceman?

Bottas: This is Iceman!

Massa: Not quite there

Button: Wanted pink podium

Magnussen: Baby face podium

Hulkenberg: Will be champion

Pérez: OK, I guess

Maldonado: Stop crashing already

Grosjean: Trying his best

Bianchi: Flattering his car

Chilton: Too damn blond

Kobayashi: Missing banzai overtakes

Ericson: Not interesting enough

Sutil: Missing Force India

Gutierrez: Please go home


Alo - Spanish driving god

Rai - couldn't care less

Ham - It's hammer time

Ros - I love telemetry

Vet - number two driver

Ric - Mark Webber who?

Bot - cooler than Kimi

Mas - young driver magnet

But - no dandruff here

Mag - faster than dad

Hul - fast but tall

Per - rich benefactors help

Ver - on borrowed time

Kvy - play station generation

Mal - expert crash investigator

Gro - french or swiss?

Bia - look out Kimi

Chi - slow and steady

Gut - see perez's words

Sut - rather play piano

Eri - the new maldonado

Kob -


Alo - Spanish driving god

Rai - couldn't care less

Ham - It's hammer time

Ros - I love telemetry

Vet - number two driver

Ric - Mark Webber who?

Bot - cooler than Kimi

Mas - young driver magnet

But - no dandruff here

Mag - faster than dad

Hul - fast but tall

Per - rich benefactors help

Ver - on borrowed time

Kvy - play station generation

Mal - expert crash investigator

Gro - french or swiss?

Bia - look out Kimi

Chi - slow and steady

Gut - see perez's words

Sut - rather play piano

Eri - the new maldonado

Kob - needs more money


Number two driver, very funny. Mark Webber would buy you a beer over that one.


You have the best understanding of what james was alluding to when he said "Ideally humorous", some of the other comment looks like slagging off the driver you most dislike.


Shouldn't that be expert crash instigator? 😉


Lewis - Ballsy British Bulldog

Jenson - Thinking of Papa

Rosberg Jnr - Father and Son

Mini Mag - Slightly uncooked Danish

Fernando - Spain's Last Hope

Kimi - Defrosted Choc Ice

Danny Boy - Daniel slays Goliath

Seb - Champ to chump

Gros - Keep your focus

Mald - Remember the money

Vergne - The last opportunity

Kyvat - Maturing very nicely

Hulk - Mallyas Mr consistent

Checo - Fiery Mexican chilli

Sutil - Time runs out

Guiterrez - Mexican Pesos Supplier

Bianchi - Prodigal Son Delivers

Max - Keep trying son

Bottas - Future World Champion?

Massa - Crash Bang Wallop

Kobayashi - Where's my brakes?

Ericsson - This is tough


Totally unrelated, but breaking news: the German bank has rejected Mr E's offer of UK £20 million. It is unknown what happens next, but they (the bank) could, potentially, launch civil proceedings against Mr E.


RD -fast and happy

FA-faster and furious

LH- experiencing friendly fire

NR -keke's son reborn.

KR - ice ice maybe

SV- blown diffuser required

FM -why always me

VB- the new iceman

SP - one more chance

NH -skills without equipment

JV- times almost up

DK- great red hope


ROS -- Friends with benefits

HAM -- Unbelivable, isn't IT?

VET -- I can't drive!

RIC -- I'm all teeth!!

ALO -- 100 million boy

MAL -- Money always dictates

RAI -- I don't care!

MAS - Not my fault!

BUT -- McLaren's fit model


Ros_ultimate plastic german


Taxi driver, anyone?


Luca - taxi owner?


*puts hand up*


Hamilton - All about speed

Rosberg - All about consistency

Vettel - Champion no more

Ricciardo - True Aussie grit

Alonso - Still the best

Raikkonen - Iceman is melting

Bottas - Iceman Mark 2

Massa - Brazilian spirit reignited

Hulkenberg - Ferrari in waiting?

Perez - Getting elbows out

Button - Sadly slowing veteran

Magnussen - Talented if raw

Vergne - Time's running out

Kvyat - Solid career start

Grosjean - Improved frustrated Frenchman

Maldonado - $ $ $

Bianchi - Points, future Ferrariman?

Chilton - Consistently at back

Sutil - Still as slow

Gutierrez - Mexican GP? Unlikely

Kobayashi - Wasted fan money

Ericsson - Marcus phone home


AlsoI'd like to revise my Magnussen statement to "Better than Dad"


I don't want Mercedes drivers signed helmets but i can give them my Tshirts without autograph.

Here is my thought about some drivers

Nico Rosberg: 2014 worthy champion

Lewis Hamilton: SkySport Delusional Champion

Kimi Raikkonen: So overrated One

Fernando Alonso: King of drivers

Nico Hulkenberg: The most complete driver after Fernando Alonso

Jules Bianchi: Future F1 Star

Daniel Ricciardo: Future F1 Star

Jenson Button: Worthless Champion "two words are enough"

Sebastian Vettel: Worthless Champion "two words are enough"


like the one for LH


LH: still he rises!


You are dreaming if you thing Rosberg is a worthy champion.He doesn't deserve anything after what happened in Hungary and especially when he tells his engineer on how to drive lol.


If you say Button was a worthless champion you are presumably talking about the fact that he lucked into the fastest car on the grid. True (although I disagree with the moniker). But if you say that then you have to also apply it to whichever Merc driver wins this year, especially if it's Rosberg as he's not a previous world champion.


Button is worthless champion because imo he is an average driver. About his 2009 season, the car was fast and he won it. Same goes for Vettel, what an overrated driver he is.

Rosberg is very adoptable, intellegent and hardworker. That is the reason i believe he is worthy 2014 champion. Hamilton is not prepared to win another championship imo. He is not intelligent and can't keep his cool.


SV - Quadruple World Chumpion


Bernie: Pay Me More



Bernie - greed is good . Or perhaps - It's never enough


HAM Fast Unlucky Champ

ROS good no 2

ALO Never gives up


hamilton: pray for ill-treaters.


HAM – Petulant Radio Headcase

ROS – Let Me Past

RIC – Smiling Assassin Wins

VET – Champ Can't Adapt

ALO – Still The Fastest

RAI – Thank You Ferrari

BOT – New Iceman Cometh

MAS – Who To Blame?

BIA – Ferrari Seatfitting Soon


Definite arrested development.


It's all puns from here on in....

HUL: Don't make angry

GUT: I'm a Mexican't

ALO: Reigns in Spain

BUT: Swims, Cycles, Runs

GRO: Show must Grosjean

CHI: Where's the receipt?

RAI: Raikkonen the money

MAS: Alonso is faster

BOT: Finn in't water

JEV: Jean Eric spurned

KOB: Here I Cooooommmmmeeeeeeee!!!!!!

MAL: Pasta Maldonado, 2go

And to go back a few years, if you could have one for James Hunt it would be: iiiiiiit's me, Hooray!

Off topic, but it occurred to me that a few years ago when Toro Rosso went through Bordais, Vettel and Buemi, STR could have stood for Sebastian Toro Rosso.

I'm here all week.



Ham: Mostly brilliant... Mostly.

Ros: Showing his teeth

Vet: Getting found out

Ric: Future is now

Alo: Quick car please!

Rai: Rally car please.

But: Better than retirement

Mag: Little bit good

Hul: Points mean prizes?

Per: Steadily going backwards

Gro: Unfortunate company man

Mal: Bad move, bro

Sut: I'm still here?

Gut: Yep, still here

KOB: Great start, but...

Eri: Must do better

Bia: Next year, right?

Chi: Silverstone was scary!


ROS- Some questionable tactics
VET- Let’s Blame Renault
PER- Worse than Di-Resta
BUT- Where’s the Balance?
MAG- I like Finn’s
VER- He’s on fire
KYV- Improves Russian Market
MAL- Contact doesn’t frighten


Bernie's next idea:

Race stark naked


SV: Strangely underrated genius

DR: Surprise of season

MC: Daddy's money talks

JB: Ferrari seat imminent?

NR: Better than dad

LH: Own worst enemy

KR: Still got it?

FA: Wasted: a crime

RG: How good really?

PM: Oil money talks

ME: Ricardo Rosset redux

KK: Talent gone away?

SP: Fast but clumsy

NH: Brilliant but untested

FM: On the wane?

VB: Lots of potential

KM: Little bit underwhelming

JB: Stale, needs change

EB: Strangely thick neck

AS: Waste of space

JEV: Sadly rather anonymous

DV: Marko knows talent!


Kimi Raikonnen: Fast and Free

Fernando Alonso: Great but Emotional

Lewis Hamilton: Talent no Brains

Nico Rosberg: Cold and Fast

Jenson Button: Best days behind

Kevin Magnussen: Jury still out

Nico Hulkenberg: Another Nick Heidfeld

Sergio Perez: Punching above weight

Sebastian Vettel: Deserving multiple champion

Daniel Ricciardo: Quicker than Webber

Valetteri Bottas: New Flying Finn

Felipe Massa: Faster than You

Adrian Sutil: Last chance saloon

Esteban Guittearaz: Back to GP2

Jules Bianchi: A Sauber Future

Max Chilton: Wasted at back


LH - the Brits' Senna

NR - not like dad

DR - better than Webber

SV - how to rate?

FA - top ten ever

KR - what wasted talent

JB - misses his dad

KM - not like dad

NH - why no calls?

SP - crashes too much

DK - the Russian missile (ouch!)

JEV - deserves another chance

FM - long in tooth

VB - the newest Iceman

AS - time to leave

EG - waiting for Mexico

JB - Ferrari one day

MC - not exactly money

ME - why's he here?

KK - crashes too much

RG - needs new home

PM - how'd he win?


SV- lucky in love

DR- channel tunnel smile

LH- one isn't enough

NR, passive aggressive German

FA needs a break

KR enter the iceman

RG recovering banned driver

PM why're you here??

JB excuses excuses excuses

KM unexpected serial killer

NH hulk without bulk

SP kimi's sparing partner

AS shanghai bar warrior

EG Maldonardos best friend

JV not Daniel Riccardo

DK marko's wet dream

FM ah for sure

VB another frozen personality

JB taking marrusia's virginity

MC the outclassed sibling

KK you've been kk'd

ME just another cheque


Alonso: Slow car? Irrelevant.

Ricciardo: World's Fastest Smile

Kimi: One 99 Please


Lewis Hamilton –fast yet labile

Nico Rosberg –let me please..

Fernando Alonso – .run baby run !!

Kimi Raikonnen – this red...bad

Daniel Ricciardo – smile to be

Sebastian Vettel – another day lost

Jenson Button – calculate dear ....calculate

Kevin Magnussen –Ill push you

Valtteri Bottas – Will ; so fast?!?

Felipe Massa – next life though

Nico Hulkenberg – patient ? how long ?

Sergio Perez –ole !! I passed!

Adrian Sutil – good but late?!?!

Esterban Gutierrez – Im still learning

Romain Grosjean – damn it!

Pastor Maldonado –Ha ! still here!!

Jean Eric Verne – why nothing coming??

Daniil Kvyat –.Ill show you !!

Max Chilton – why?? sweet mine

Jules Bianchi – trying so hard

Kamui Kobayashi –no way here

Marcus Ericsson – next time better


All the same



NR: number one German

LH: Hare or tortoise?


FM: Almost world champion

VB: future world champion

Red Bull:

DR: Better than Vettel

SV: enough darned Aussies


FA: Mister 100 Percent

KR: ice is melting


JB: comfortably into retirement

KM: learning, learning, learning

Force India:

NH: best of rest

SP: Slice n dice

Toro Rosso:

DK: the new iceman

JEV: Just enough vroom


AS: impossible Monaco manouvers

EG: slowly grinding away


RG: goat becomes gazelle

PM: bought a lemon


JB: future with Ferrari

MC: consistent cash cow


KK: driving catering truck

ME: mobile restaurant endeavours


NR: Still in front...

LH: Not for long...

DR: Against all odds

SV: Odds all against

FA: Maybe next year...

KR: Exit clause imminent

FM: Thank you Ferrari 🙂

VB: Cool as cucumber

SP: Up and down

NH: Just too heavy 🙁

JB: I've got understeer

KM: A new hope

DK: Career just starting

JEV: Career soon ending

RG: Miss you Eric 🙁

PM: Thirty million reasons


MC: ^ Helped fund that 🙂

EG: Token Telmex driver

AS: Still kicking around

ME: Green for green

KK: Was that Vettel? 😉


i think you're winning so far.


Cheers aveli 🙂


Lewis hamilton - never gives up

Alonso - most complete f1 driver

Ricciardo - better try harder seb

Bottas - calm untapped talent


Hamilton: unlucky for some

Rosberg: cool, calm, collected

Alonso: the real deal

Raikkonen: iceman will cometh

Vettel: going gets tough

Ricciardo: thunder down under

Massa: he hit me

Bottas: one to watch

Hulkenberg: champion in making

Vergne: on borrowed time

Button: smooth as silk

Magnussen: father like son

Grosjean: needs new wheels

Maldonado: crash team racing

Kobayashi: the asian sensation


Hamilton: Fast diamond geezer

Rosberg: Better than expected

Vettel: No more finger!

Ricciardo: Who'd have thought?!

Alonso: Build better car!!!!!

Kimi: Stuck in slowmo

Bottas: The next Hakkinen ?

Massa: I like dodgems

Button: Better balance please!

Magnussen: Must beat button.

Hulkenberg: Big teams: Hellllooooooo!!!!!!!!

Pérez: Reached his limit.

Maldonado: Curious incident magnet

Grosjean: Shame about car

Bianchi: Helium voiced quickster

Chilton: Just don't know

Kobayashi: Must be disappointed.

Ericson: Good Hungary spin

Sutil: What's happening team!

Gutierrez: Worse than Perez


KIMI - Where's my ice-cream?

JB - Where's my grip?

ALO - Where's my championship?

MASSA - Huh? What? What?

MAL - Incoming! Take Cover!

NICO ROSBERG - Heads and Shoulders


HAM - Heart on sleeve

ROS - Who had guessed?

ALO - Tweaking Ferrari’s Ear

RAI - I Miss Rallying

VET - Index Finger Broken

RIC - Ozzie Rules Mate

MAS - Savour Those Seconds

BOT - Stolen Kimi’s Ice

HUL - Seriously, Top Teams?

PER - Up Down Down

GRO - How Good Really?

MAL - Boom Town Rat

MAG - Looked So Good

BUT - Balance: Tricky Thing

VER - Out With Whimper

KVY - Marko System Works!?

SUT - Mind That Glass!

GUT - Er, Next Please

BIA - Lucky With Points?

CHI - Carries Red Lantern

KOB - Wasted At Caterham

ERI - Fastest Swede? Impossible!


Bernie Says: Paying Always Pays


indeed ! but ricciardo should read - ozzie mate rules


Albert: Also Very Good!


HAM – Hard As Marshmallow

ROS – Relentless Ontrack Success

RIC- Racers Imminent Champion

VET – Very Enthusiastic Talent

ALO – Another Level Outstanding

RAI – Retirement Always Implied

BOT – Best On Track

MAS – Mistakes Always Severe

HUL – Heavy Under Load

PER – Pretty Effective Racer

BUT – Blames Useless Tyres

MAG – Might Actually Graduate

KVY – Key Verifying Youth

VER – Vrooms Every Redbull

SUT - Strangely Underrated Talent

GUT – Great Utilizing Tyres

GRO – Good Racing Occasionally

MAL – Made Another Lunge

BIA – Brings Italian Ability

CHI – Cash Has Influence

KOB – Karaoke Optional Business

ERI - Effective Racing Individual


Very good acronym expansions


very clever.


I think you should get double points from James


Alonso. : Tries maximum out of poor car

Vettel. : Was he champion? He will miss weber a lot

Recardo. : Hier comes new star

Hamilton. : Fast but unpredictable


Alonso The undeterred warrior

Vettel - Champion that struggles

Hamilton - passion speed skill

Maldonado Demolition Derby Man

Rosberg - Tops the Class

Bianchi Ferraris bright future

Ricciardo A smiling assassin

Bottas Potential world champion

Hulkenberg talented and consistent

Gutierrez , Chilton and Ericsson useless pay driver

Sutil Experienced but slow

Kobayashi a Japanese hero

Raikkonen He'll be back

Massa Liberated from Ferrari

Kyvat Russia's new hope

Magnussen Experience will mature

Perez Fast but rash

Button Doing John proud

Vergne One last chance

Grosjean A disgruntled Frenchman


FA - run Alonso coming

KR - Ferrari don't repeat

LH -Where is Nico

NR - Where is Lewis

NH - Not too heavy

JB - Car not me

PM - Oops my bad (referring to his decision to leave Williams too)


can I change FA - Fuse lit run


HAM - He's not German

- Dumb mind games

- Fast and sulky

ROS – We are friends

- I am German

RIC – Tough luck mate

- The grinning assassin

VET – The finger boy

- Exhaust blown champion

ALO – Mind games master

- Red bull fighter

- Want another car

RAI – leave me alone

- Give me ice

- Where's the vodka

MAS – Faster than you

BUT – No grip man

- Double diffuser champion


LH- too much Bling

NR- Slow and Steady

FA- Simply the best

KR- Fun Fins Finished

SV-Wants Mark back

DR- Just too fast

FM- Worlds upside down

JB-Baby Smurf


01 Nico Rosberg Determined, Focused, Professional

02 Lewis Hamilton Gifted but Flawed

03 Daniel Ricciardo Grinning, relaxed, easy

04 Fernando Alonso Complete, Focused, Determined

05 Valtteri Bottas Calm, Collected, Future

06 Sebastian Vettel Gifted, Professional, Saturated

07 Nico Hulkenberg Talented, Complete, Underrated

08 Jenson Button Fair, Fast, Rain

09 Felipe Massa Mercurial, Emotional, Loyal

10 Kevin Magnussen Coming good fast

11 Sergio Perez Enigma, overrated, underrated

12 Kimi Räikkönen Calm, Cool, Confused

13 Jean-Eric Vergne Intelligent, Underrated, Unlucky

14 Romain Grosjean Talented, Intelligent, Fortunate

15 Daniil Kvyat Revelation, Future, Mature

16 Jules Bianchi Fast poster boy

17 Adrian Sutil Past his time

18 Marcus Ericsson Leaves no impression

19 Pastor Maldonado Journeyman, Risky, Emotional

20 Esteban Gutierrez Sponsorship speaks loudest

21 Max Chilton Blonde, Loaded, Lacking

22 Kamui Kobayashi Samurai warrior passion


Kobayashi: Complains, complaints, complacent

Ericsson: Who is Marcus?

Sutil: Still seems angry

Gutierrez: Remains largely unproven

Bianchi: Punching above weight

Max Chilton: Max Loves Max

Vergne: Who's that lady?

Kiviat: Not like Petrov

Maldonado: Eating them apples

Grosjean: Such bad luck

Perez: Hot and Cold

Hulkenberg: Predictably consistent. Fair.

Massa: Good development driver

Bottas: Future Race WInner

Button: Mostly just reliable

Magnussen: Shows some promise

Alonso: Determined. Fights Regardless.

Raikkonen: No $&*(s given

Ricciardo: Much wow. Smiles.

Vettel: Struggling with change

Hamilton: Fast. Fiery. Troubled.

Rosberg: Thinking. Measured. Grounded.


Lewis Hamilton = Fire extinguisher please?

Nico Rosberg = Chicane? What chicane?

Sebastian Vettel = Prefer other Australian.

Daniel Ricciardo = Bruce the shark (Finding Nemo)

Fernando Alonso = Teammate? Not Lewis.

Kimi Raikkonen = Wasn't drinking officer.

Jenson Button = Better at triathlons.

Kevin Magnusson = Ron's new favourite.

Felipe Massa = Never my fault?

Valtteri Bottas = Fast but dull.

Nico Hulkenberg = Best in Brazil.

Sergio Perez = Ron's least favourite.

Adrian Sutil = Me? Aggressive? No.

Esteban Gutierrez = Hanging by thread.

John Eric Verne = 2013 blown chance?

Daniil Kvyat = Focussed little Russian.

Roman Grosjean = No Prost yet.

Pastor Maldonado = Won once, honest!

Jules Bianchi = Faster than Max.

Max Chilton = I won! No.

Kamui Kobayashi = Where's the brakes?

Marcus Ericsson = Grandma is faster.

F1 2014 = Pretty damn good!


Kob- deserves Japanese sponsor!

Chi-Sugar Daddy speed.

Gut-quicker or lighter?

Mal- not an investment!

Eri- nothing to notice.

Sut- clear the seat.

Bia- a future possibility?

Kvy- I was wrong!

Gro- jury's still out.

Ver- just not there.

Rai- not adaptable enough.

Per- hot and cold.

Mag- so far, yawn.

Mas- "It wasn't me"

But- steady as always.

Hul- solid F1 racer.

Vet- we all wonder?

Alo- THE complete package.!

Ric- The real deal.

Ham- Yes, he's fast...

Ros- Doing the job.


ALO - Wooden Sword Samurai

RAIK - Ice Cream Blues

ROS - Mister Consistent GerFin (or Monaco? No Mistake)

HAM - Hard Luck MercMan (or Hard Assed MercMan)

MAS - Luck? No Luck!

BOT - Vodka Fin Tastic

VET - Finger Gone Awol

RIC - Talent Like Smile

SUT - Not Hundred Percent

GUI - Stopped By Security

MAG - No Smoking Dane

BUT - Proved Ron Wrong

GRO - French Shrug Surely

MAL - Won A Race?!

HULK - Rated Heavy Weighted

PER -Ron Lost Plot

VER - Outscored RIC Remember?

KVY - Scrap Heap Academby

KOB - Crowd Funded Hero

ERI -Swede With Wallet

BIA - Pack For Italy

CHI - Dads Big Bucks


Acronym plus three word assessment

RIC: HOT Hard On Teammate

VET: WEB Was Eventually Beaten

HAM: ACE A Champion Englishman

ALO: GOD Greatest Oviedo Driver


SV: Wants Kate back

DR: Wizard from Oz

MC: Not too bad...

JB: Jewels for Jules?

NR: Clinging to lead

LH: Fast but abusive

KR: Losses need cutting

FA: Best on grid

RG: Fairly frustrated Frenchman

PM: One man crash

ME: Who is he?

KK: Needs to score

SP: Learned at McLaren

NH: The OTHER Nico

FM: Flashes of old

VB: The kid excels

KM: Not there yet

JB: Still beats teammate

EG: Pays to breakdown

AS: Needs RAC card

JEV: Proving the selection

DV: Secret Russian, nyet!


Hamilton – Seat of the pants

Rosberg – Sense over sensitivity

Vettel – Lets rewind to 2013

Ricciardo – aha, did, I win?

Alonso – Outstanding Dinner Guest

Raikkonen – Brilliant, Fun, Floundering

Bottas – yes, could be

Massa – 2008 Champ Rewarded

Hulkenberg – A Credible Hulk

Perez – DeResta IsFaster ThanYou

Button – Retire, in, 2010

Magnussen – Faster than car

Vergne – Too late already

Kvyat – Where, why, who?

Grosjean – Charming, Stoic, Stuck in lotus position

Maldonado – Fastest banker around

Bianchi – Best, Of, Rest

Chilton – Running, Slowly, Last

Sutil – last chance saloon

Gutierrez – no, never, no more

Kobayashi – sadly, failed again

Ericsson – why choose me?


Alonso - horribly overrated driver


Lewis - Desperately need luck

Alonso - Better car please

Daneil - Quick and likable

Hulk - Awaiting top-team call

Kvyat - He is impressive

Kimi - time to perform

Pastor - Crash Crash Crash


Kimi: Leave me alone!

Ricciardo: The flying honey badger

Hamilton: Not slowing for Nico


HAM - He's on fire

RAI - Ice Cream Man

ALO - Bye bye Ferrari

RIC - Everyone's new favourite

VET - Bye bye Finger

or: Dan's smile's faster

or: What's broken now?

or just: Faster than Webber


RIC: Move Over Kylie


LH Wah Wah Club

SV Eyes of Steel

FA Smooth as Silk

VB Phenomenal Finn

PM Chitty Bang Bang

DR Miles of Smiles


Hamilton: "It's hammer time!"

Ricciardo: The grinning assassin

Bottas: New Flying Finn

Vettel: How times change!

Massa: "Not my fault..."

Button: Has no grip

Grosjean: Off to McLaren

Kvyat: Cool beyond years

Bianchi: Off to Ferrari

Maldonado: "I crash" "Oh..."


Nico .................Don't forget 1966

Lewis ................Fragile fast racer

Daniel................Makes me grin

Fernando...........Fast, poor machinery

Valtteri...............Stay at Williams?

Seb....................Poor without car

Nico H................Excellent with potential

Jenson...............Smooth but Boring

Felipe M.............Always a prang

Kevin..................No Lewis replacement

Sergio.................Just another Massa

Kimi....................Supermarket trolleys beckon

Jean Eric.............Who? Oh him!

Romain................Middle order man

Danill...................The next Ricciardo

Jules...................Better than Marussia

Adrian.................Don't hit me!

Marcus................In another race

Pastor..................Just another Massa!

Esteban................Needs better Sauber

Max.....................Still in GP2

Kamui..................Needs paper bag!


Ham: Due some luck

Ros: Solid each time

Vet: Loves overtaking Alonso

Ric: Beating world champion

Alo: You shalln't pass!!

Kimi: Hates new cars

Bot: Be77er every race

Mas: Someone else's fault

But: Never has grip

Mag: Faster than daddy

Hulk: Good, but tall

Perez: Better without McLaren

JEV: Last chance saloon

Kvy: Youngest points scorer

Sut: Stru99ling with Sauber

Gut: "What was that?"

Gro: No longer crashing

Mal: Crash, bang, wallop

Kob: Can't overtake now

Eri: Under the radar

Bianchi: Ferrari's next champion

Chilton: Always comes last


Rosberg: Journyman Got Lucky

Riciardo: The Real Deal

Vettel: Matches His Car

Hamilton: Walks Under Ladders

Alonso: Flatters His Ferrari

Rikkinan: Hard to Spell

Massa: Never My Fault

Bottas: Better then Kimi

Maldanado: Too Much Money

Button: Underestimated Racing Driver

Magnusson: Promising Start Waning

Kyvyat: Better Every Race

Verne: Imminent Ex Bull

Kobasahi: Needs Decent Car

Chilton: Making Up Numbers

Forgotten rest of drivers!


FA - Dolmio Pasta Bloke

KR - Anthony Robbins wannabe

FM - It wasn't me

VB - starting to shine

RG - checking his options

PM - Crash Test Dummy

LH - Tin hatter magnet

NR - Little bit bland

SV - unfairly criticised champ

DR - Smiley Happy Person

JB - Very pretty girlfriend

KM - clone of father

EG - Nice but slow

AS - Time to retire

NH - Due a break

SP - easy on tyres

JEV - facing the axe

DK - Sam the eagle

JBi - makes girls giddy

MC - thank you Daddy


One of those puppets on the Dolmio Sauce ad does look uncannily like Fernando Alonso. 🙂


RG - Showing some leg

KK - Trapped by stereotype

ME - Under my radar


Not enough showmanship!


KR- Last Next Champ

FA- Spygate, Crashgate,Mitigate

LH- Real Ricky Bobby

NR- Desperately Seeking Lewis

SV- Desperately Seeking Susan

DR- "Cause I'm Happy.."

FM- Always His Fault

JB- Desperately Seeking Lewis

KM-Desperately Seeking Kimi

VB- Next Next Champ

NH- Where To Next

SP- Tell-Mexico Slim

RG- "Im Not Faster"

PM- Pin Ball Wizard

JEV- One More Please

DK - 2017 World Champion

EG- Young Old Soul

AS- Desperately Seeking Lewis

JUB- 2016 World Champion

MC- Whoh Ya saay

ME- Wheres My Volvo

KK- Take Me Back

BE- My S.. Smells

CW-Come Here Boys

NL- Ferrari Piece Of

TW-Not My Place

MM-Heaven Help Me

CH- Red Bull Rules

AN-Wheres That Fan


Alonso - never gives up

Button - not good enough


Lewis- fastest on grid

Nico- "where's Lewis faster?"

Fernando - I love Singapore

Kimi - Needs Allison car

Vettel - Hates new regs

Dan - I'm honey badger 🙂

Bottas - Williams shining Knight

Massa - Can't stop crashing

Button - I'm too slow

Mag- Quicker than button

Hulk- where's my podium

Perez- I have several

Vergne - Who is Kyvat

Kyvat - I'm beating Vergne

Maldo - I have money

Grosj - Where's Kimi + Allison

Bianchi - when Alonso leaving

Chilton - I finish last

Koba - This car sucks

Ericsson - nothing to report


Lewis: tide is turning

Nico R: hold on tight

Sebastian: bring back v8

Daniel: new bull rising

Fernando: time to move

Kimi: leave me alone

Valtteri: new flying finn

Felipe: keep your cool

Jenson: one more season

Kevin: rollercoaster rookie year

Nico H: how much longer

Sergio: return to form

Romain: save me eric

Pastor: hindsight is wonderful

Adrian: dtm up next

Esteban: points are paramount

Jules: sign him up

Max: nearly as quick

Kamui: final f1 season

Marcus: what possibly next

Jean-Eric: last chance saloon

Daniil: future red bull


Maldonado – Not very good.


Gutierrez – What was that?


Alonso: talented taxi driver

Sorry that's all I've got so far. I will have have a think about the other 21 drivers.


Ham: walked under ladder

Ros: put ladder there


Hamilton - 'Not hungry enough'

Rosberg - 'I'm 100% German'

Ricciardo - 'Can't stop smiling'

Vettel - 'Mark, come back'

Alonso - 'One man team'

Raikkonen - 'My fronts locked'

Bottas - 'Cool as cucumber'

Massa - 'Not my fault'

Hulkenberg - 'One fine day'

Perez - 'Podium or nothing'

Button - 'Poor car grip'

Magnussen - 'It's testing time'

Kvyat - 'I'm no wimp'

Vergne - 'Woe is me'

Grosjean - 'Engine turned off'

Maldonado - 'Crash! Boom! Bang!'

Bianchi - 'Target Q2 achieved'

Chilton - 'Yay double points'

Sutil - 'Maybe next time'

Gutierrez - 'Welcome Mexico 2015'

Kobayashi - 'Can't push enough'

Ericsson - 'GP2 was better'


On a lighter note, dedicated to Maldonado -

A great song though! 🙂


Ricciardo. Who would've thought.


HAM - Clear Weekend Wanted

ROS - Has More Points

SEB - Loosing The Finger

RIC - Happiest Driver Ever

ALO - Deserves One More

RAI - End Of Story?

HUL - Poor Men's Alonso

kenneth chapman

just a few which come to mind,

JB still think pink

SV not another aussie....alternate....mark webber's revenge

DR honey badgers bite....alternate.... winners are grinners

FM he crashed me

KR leave me alone

FA muchas gracias kimi....alternate... muchas gracias amigo

PM ooops, sorry chaps

VB absolutely finn-tastic

JEV....more french dressing

DK.... da da da

LH....catch me first

NR....push to pass

a small contribution far


Sebastian Vettel -where is Susie?

Lewis Hamilton - Speed to burn

Nico Rosberg - Bride or Bridesmaid?

Fernando Alonso - The hoarse whisperer

Daniel Ricciardo - The smiling assassin

Valtteri Bottas - Fast and Fluent

Nico Hülkenberg - Weighing up offers

Felipe Massa - Upside Down again

Jenson Button - must try harder

Romain Grosjean - "Allo? Eric please"

Kimi Räikkönen - I collect walnuts.

Esteban Gutiérrez - Telmex for ever!

Jean-Éric Vergne - Time is up

Daniil Kyvat -Dr's gifted protege

Sergio Pérez - He hit me!

Pastor Maldonado - I hit him!

Adrian Sutil - glass half empty

Kevin Magnussen The laboratory reaction

Jules Bianchi - Sauber next year?

Max Chilton - Tortoise Vs Hare

Kamui Kobayashi - who needs brakes?

Marcus Erikson - So far zip


Dan Ricciardo - The Real Deal


Lewis- Wow Nico's fast

Nico - Surprisingly going well

Seb - Webber's xmas card?

Dan - smiles while sleeping

Fernando- always produces results

Kimi: wheres my icecream?

Valtteri: Future champ soon

Felipe: Better than Pastor

Jenson: Last chance dig

Kevin: Time will tell

Nico H: Deserves better seat

Sergio: Do or die

Romain: McLaren's my favourite


Adrian: Still hates Lewis

Esteban: waxes his brow

Jules: Ferrari's future man

Max: Always behind Jules

Kamui: sankyou last season

Marcus: whos this guy?

Jean-Eric: 8 races left

Daniil: Gives you wings!


ROS. di Caprio younger brother

HAM. Cool dog owner

RIC. Makes dentist proud

VET. Unreliable helmet chooser

RAI. I'm so cool

ALO. Team mate nightmare

MAS. First corner beware

BOT. Podium suits me

PER. I'm el hombre

HUL. Wish was shorter

MAG. Love my car

BUT. Watch my manners

VER. Makes Prost proud

KYV. Spots all around

GRO. Saving my talent

MAL. Should I stay?

BIA. Want my Ferrari

CHI. Hey, I'm here!

GUT. Brave new world

SUT. Wheel of fortune

ERI. Never give up

KOB. Fundraiser benchmark case


Well, figured I'd have a stab, mainly for giggles. Have tried for wit, others will judge if I succeeded.

NR - No Backup Dancer

LH - A Moving Target

DR - The Smiling Assassin

FA - Sweet F.A.

VB - To the Finnish

SV - No Number Five

NH - Hulk Not Smashed

JeB - Button, Jenson Button

FM - Wow, lap two!

KM - Woking on Sunshine

SP - Force Safety Car

KR - ahead of Lotus

JEV - Why not me?

DK - Vodka Red Bull

RG - Om mani padme

JuB- Almost a Ferrari

AS - doesn't like nightclubs

ME - Ok, I'll push

PM - Tactile driving style

EG - 21 and 23

MC - slowly but surely

KK - close to Sauber


ROS: Perfect Aryan Child

HAM: Unlucky But #Blessed

RIC: Smily Ozzy Winner

VET: Mighty Have Fallen

ALO: Respect Circuit Limits!

RAI: Looking Rather Average

BUT: Fairly Average Ginger

MAG: Fairly Average Nepotism

BOT: Future World Champion

MAS: Making Up Numbers

HUL: Needs Top Drive

PER: McLaren Were Right

SUT: Always Been Anonymous

GUT: How Much Longer?

GRO: Doesn't Crash Anymore

MAL: Crash Test Dummy

VER: Really Hates Riccardo

KYV: Car Drive You!

BIA: Hopes Raikkonen Retires

CHI: Daddy Has Money

KOB: Fans Paid Me

ERI: Driving Around Pointlessly

MSC: We Miss You


RIC: honey badger approaches

VET: look out Seb

ALO: horse tamer

RAI: handing reins over

ROS: we're still friends

HAM: not friends anymore

MAS: valtteri is faster

BOT: new flying Finn

BUT: next year better

MAG: better than Dad

HUL: better car when?


VER:beat Ricciardo 2012

KVY: VET leaves when?

GRO:waiting on Eric

MAL: I crash

SUT: unexciting as always

GUT: nothing to see here

CHI: not slowest anymore

BIA: faster than Kimi

KOB: worst car ever

ERI: slowest driver 2014


PER: fast but inconsistent

Scuderia McLaren

Top 6 Teams:

ROS: "Not, that, innocent..." (Britney Spears song)


RIC: Colgate's smiling assassin

VET: Aussies give nightmares!

ALO: Help! I'm waaaastingggg!

RAI: Help! I'm meeeeltingggg!

BOT: "Everything is awesome..." (Lego Song)

MAS: "Felipe, Valteri is..."

HUL: ANYONE see this?!

PER: What? Be nicer?

BUT: There's no GRIP!

MAG: Ron, what's grip?


has anyone seen a youtube video of button giving jake humphrey a driving lesson?


ALO - Engineers preventing greatness

RAI - Unadaptibility preventing rivalry

KOB - Pace preventing entertainment

RIC - Told you so

VET - Legacy in question

ROS - fast and cerebral

HAM - faster but flawed

BUT - sponsorships are awesome


LH Slowdown Nico's faster

NR let me past








Decided to make mine a bit musical...

NR - Best of You, The Foo Fighters

LH - Keep the Faith, Bon Jovi

SV - Times Like These, The Foo Fighters

DR - Lust for Life, Iggy Pop

KR - Dazed and Confused, Led Zeppelin

FA - Simply the Best, Tina Turner

FM - I Will Follow, U2

VB - Learning to Fly, Tom Petty

SP - Take Me Out, Franz Ferdinand

NH - Little by Little, Oasis

KM - Now I'm Here, Queen

JeB - Stand By Me, Ben E. King

JEV - Semi-Charmed Life, Third Eye Blind

DK - New Sensation, INXS

RG - Paint It Black, The Rolling Stones

PM - Doom & Gloom, The Rolling Stones

MC - The Invisible Man, Queen

JuB - Little Lion Man, Mumford & Sons

EG - All Shook Up, Elvis

AS - Under Pressure, Queen

ME - Going Nowhere, Therapy

KK - Let's Go Crazy, Prince

Oh, and a couple of extras...

James Hunt - Cigarettes & Alcohol, Oasis

Suzie Wolf - She's Not There, The Zombies

and lastly, given the number of podiums he stood on,

Michael Schumacher - Champagne Supernova, Oasis.

Feel free to add you own...


Good one!


FM - It Wasn't Me, Shaggy


Very good and original


LH "Don't touch this", Hammertime


Nice one!

Matthew Cheshire

Hamilton - Fast, often furious

Rosberg - Homework beats Hamilton

Ricciardo - Very fast learner

Vettel - Time will tell

Alonso - Fangio in Fiat

Raikonnen - the glacier

Bottas - forward facing fin

Massa - always becomes bridesmaid

Button - last chance Honda

Magnussen - turns up

Grosgean - fortune yo yo

Maldonardo - bent penny

Bianchi - Red Ricciardo

Chilton - consistently consistent, constantly

Perez - Mexican midfielder

Vergne - schools out soon

Kvyat - snapping at heels

Sutil- fading to grey

Kobyashi - camouflaged in green

Allen - talker after Walker


Rosberg – Homework beats Hamilton loool!!!


HAM – Defeat From Victory

ROS – Too Many Homes

RIC – Come On Aussie

VET – "Dan Is Faster" or "Move Over Seb"

ALO – Always Next Year

RAI – Beginning To Thaw

BOT – Ice Ice Baby

MAS – Why Always Me?

HUL – Has He B.O.?

PER – Not So Speedy

BUT – Time To Deliver

MAG – Like Father Not

KVY – Have Confidence In

VER – Two Years Vacation

GRO – Honeymoon Is Over

MAL – Two Steps Back

SUT – Just Like Pastor

GUT – Basque In Shadow

BIA – Ferrari's White Knight

CHI – Making Up Numbers

KOB – Failed Public Listing

ERI – Not Really Sonny


Dan Ricciardo - Reason to smile


Raikkonen: Frozen Finnish Fire

Alonso: Maximising Limping Horses

Ricciardo: Fast Feisty Smile

Vettel: Fragile Frustrated Frown

Hamilton: Speed with attitude

Rosberg:Flying Finnish German


HAM - Like watching Mansell

ROS - Full of himself

VET - What goes around

RIC - Still not convinced

MAS - Defeat from victory

RAI - Something not right

BUT - like watching Damon

ALO - Proper racing driver

MAL - Don't look first

BOT - Hope after Alonso

HUL - Fuss about nothing

PER - Entertain in midfield

CHI - last is first

GRO - Missing from action


Alonso. Ground Hog Day


HAM: f1 box office

ROS: credit where due

VET: quadruple world champ?

ALO: amazing but scheming

RIC: breath fresh air

MAS: can't catch break

BOT: another flying fin

MAG: not bad rook

BUT: got no grip

ERI: who's he again?

KOB: needs better car


ROS: Cunning, Quick, Winning.

HAM: Fast, Unreliable, Lucky.

VET: Shocked, Frustrated, Twitchy.

RIC: Smart, Quick, Perfect.

ALO: Hungry, Driven, Unlucky.

RAK: Slow, Stubborn, Unproductive.

BUT: Missing his Dad.

MAG: Young, Unproven, Unlikely.

MAS.: Car, Crashes, Second.

BOT: Racy, Frustrating, Solid.

MAL: Lotus, Dangerous, Lost.

GRO: Lotus, Improved, Going.

VER: Sad, Good, Gone.

KYT: Fast, Young, Maybe.

KOB: Car, Cash, Goodbye.

VAN: Who, Slow, No.

BIA: Super, Ferrari, Waiting.

CHI: Rich, Reliable, Boring.

SUT: Going, Going, Gone.

GUT: Slow, Sauber, Slumber.


All drivers: Too polite & boring!


HAM – Brings the show

ROS – Has it easy

RIC – Keeping everyone honest

VET – Loves all Australians!

ALO – politics his game

RAI – Hand me downs

BOT – doing it right

MAS – Needs to reflect

HUL – Working on shrinking

PER – On way out

BUT – Lost his spark

MAG – Trying his best

KVY – Getting himself noticed

VER – Could have been

SUT – Filling the grid

GUT – Not a star

GRO – Needs a break

MAL – Loves the hospitality

BIA – Where's my seat?

CHI – just loves driving

KOB – Value for money

ERI – On the grid


VET - Come back Mark!


Rosberg - Hamilton's Sunday lunch

Vettel - Vorsprung durch Adrian

Hamilton - Come on Pansy

Ricciardo - Oi, oi, oi

Alonso - Forza al canute

Button - Get a grip

Raikonnen - Raikonnen nicht


Fernando Alonso : Never give up

Kimi Raikkonen : Cool Fast Unhappy

Nico rosberg : Cool Quick Fearless

Lewis Hamilton : Natural Quick Flustered

Daniel Ricciardo: Nice Talented Fearless

Valtteri Bottas: Nice Cool Talented


ROS - Not German leader

HAM - Yes I Can

VET – Finger in Pain

RIC – slogan it’s alive!

ALO – Love my Bicycle

RAI – Turning to Acidman

MAG – Magnussen Vs Mignussen

BUT – The preferred son-in-law

HUL – Everything under kontrol

PER – Tough Speedy Gonzalez

GRO – RIC French Version

MAL – Nice Guy Evil

SUT – No so subtle (See what Sutil means in Spanish)

GUT – I expected more

VER – The invisible garçon

KVY – Hope’s Mother Russia

MAS – Montoya wait meee!

BOT – Like my logo?

BIA – The wasted joker

CHI – Slow but Safe

KOB – Fast but unsafe

ERI – No need Helmet


Fernando Alonso - The Consistent Driver!


Kimi Raikonnen - OK. Fine. Whatever.


Lewis - Face of F1

Nico - Boring Robotic Pretender

Alo - Requires Favouritistic Treatment

Vet - Need Perfect Car


Räikkönen: a feelerless ant

Bottas: license to overtake


Kimi: leave me alone


The entire 2014 grid

Lift and coast.


Hamilton Still I Rise


TOP 5 teams - the season so far.........

HAM-Mercedes Power Rules

ROS-I LOVE Mercedes

RIC-Faster than Vettel

VET-this Aussie's quicker

ALO-not another Tank!

RAI-barrier? what barrier?

MAS-Mercedes Power Rules!

BOT-I love Mercedes

BUT-Need more Grip!

MAG-Don't need Grip


Maldonado: crash test dummy


VET: I'll be back.


Fernando ALONSO : Beat Schumacher, twice!

Rayhan Chouglay

Nico Rosberg- The underestimated German

Lewis Hamilton- Fast,fast,fast

Daniel Ricciardo-The smiling assassin

Sebastien Vettel-lucky with equipment

Fernando Alonso-Best all round

Kimi Raikkonen- ever sensistive iceman

Jenson Button-always consistently there

Kevin Magnussen-fast inconsistent dane

Felipe Massa-unlucky first lap

Valteri Bottas- New fastest finn

Jean Eric Vergne-not proving himself

Danyl Kyvat- young confident russian

Pastor Maldonado-money not talent

Romain Grosjean-unfortunate career turn

Nico Hulkenberg-needs top team

Sergio Perez-at his level

Esteban Guttierez-Unproven inexoerienced mexican

Adrian Sutil-time now up

Marcus Erriccson-not much seen

Kamui Kobayashi-deserves better car

Jules Bianchi- future ferrari master

Max Chilton-slighty overrated Brit


I've got just two (that refer to most of them) - Grumpy MIllionairs 😉

Cheers, Bart


Dan Ricciardo - The Smiling Assassin

Valterri Bottas - New Flying Finn

Pastor Maldonado - The F1 Jonah

Romain Grosjean - Where am I

Marcus Ericsson - I'm sorry, who?

Max Chilton - Could be worse

Jules Bianchi - Watch out Kimi

Fernando Alonso - It's Groundhog Day

Jenson Button - Honda back yet?

Sebastian Vettal - Im Sorry Mark

Lewis Hamilton - Broke a Mirror

and for Kimi - Three too many.


LH- forget team orders

NR- the next professor

FA- always 100 percent

KR- mr few words

DR- I just drive

SV- exhaust blown diffuser

FM- almost a champ

VB- a future champ

JB- where's the grip

KM- over his head

NH- I always deliver

SP- not my fault

RG- in wrong car

PM- I'm coming thru

JV- his last shot

DK- wants sebs drive

JBi- in Ferrari's future

MC- drives family car

AS- needs a break

EG- another pay driver

KK- needs fast car

ME- what's he done


DR: Winners are Grinners.

SV: No more burnouts.

KR: Overpaid, overrated, over-it.

FA: Hold the line.


Alonso: I'm the greatest

Kimi: Not Fernando's car

Nico: Never gives in

Lewis: Never gives up

Seb: Is coming back

Dan: Not like Webber

Jenson: Clever, wise, conservative

Kevin: Next big thing

JEV: It's over soon

Kvyat: Best to come

Felipe: Never ending story

Valtteri: Wants to win

Hulk: Wants top team

Perez: fearless, impulsive, ruthless

Grosjean: Better last year

Pastor: Wants money back

Sutil: Wants Merc engine

Gutierrez: No way out

Kamui: Wants japanese engine

Ericsson: Is this F1?

Biachi: My Ferrari subito!

Max: Still having fun


I've taken some licence with the idea of a drivers "Character".

Nico R. Sean Connery

Lewis. Ricky Bobby

Daniel. Jack Nicholson, Joker

Ferando. The Great Houdini

Valtteri. Ironman, The Avengers

Seb. Gollum, lord Rings

Nico H. Andy DuFresne, Shawshank

Jenson. George Jetson

Felipe M. Yoda, Star Wars


Sergio. Fez, 70's Show

Kimi. Lieutenant Horato Caine

Jean Eric. Inspector Jacques Clouseau

Roman. The Phantom, Comic

Danill. Yuri Gararin

Jules. Clark Kent, Superman

Adrian. Leonardo DiCaprio, Superman


Pastor. Dennis The Menace


Max. Homer Simpson

Kamui. The Terminator

Bernie. Scrooge McDuck

Charlie. Colonel Wilhelm Klink


Adrian. Leonardo DiCaprio, Titanic.


Alonso=Maestro of Formula1

Rosberg=Always a Thinker

Hamilton=Heart of Racer

Ricciardo=Next in Line

All F1 Drivers=Wheels, Thrills, Spills


VB - Frank told you


Lewis Hamilton: F1 Circus Maximus

Nico Rosberg: Britney Spears Circus

Sebastian Vettel: Finger forms fist

Daniel Ricciardo: Ear to ear.

Fernando Alonso: Fifth Is Affinity


Hulk - talent overcomes weight


Overpaid, underworked, fast.


Hamilton - Fast but unlucky

Rosberg - Conscience not relevant

Ricciardo - Fast smiling Aussie

Vettel - Quietly smouldering away

Massa - Off track again

Bottas - Half chance Finn

Alonso - Big charging bull

Raikkonen - Where am I

Button - Ron's my mate

Magnussen - Come on guy's

Hulkenburg - I'm too heavy

Perez - Ouch my car

Grosjean - What a car

Maldonado - Oops my car

OK had enough now!


Ericcson - didn't pay enough

Kobayashi - not paid enough

Maldonado - can't pay attention


Only 2 needed to cover all drivers.

Winners are grinners.

Who came second!

Luis MIguel Rubira

HAM – Two Of Us

ROS – I Feel Fine

RIC - You Know What To Do

VET – I'll Be Back

ALO – How Do You Do It

RAI – No Reply

BOT – Tomorrow Never Knows

MAS – Yesterday

HUL – It Won't Be Long

PER – Carry That Weight

BUT – I'm Only Sleeping

MAG – Flying

KVY – Back In The U.S.S.R

VER – Do You Want To Know A Secret

SUT –You Know What To Do

GUT –Get Back

GRO – Slow Down

MAL – Bad Boy

BIA – This Boy

CHI – Too Much Monkey Business

KOB – Yellow Submarine

ERI – The End


LEW- This season's Weber?

ROS- Stuttgart's favourite son?

VET- New Number Two

RIC- Smiling Aussie Assassin

ALO- Podium, driving anything

RAI- Iceman's last hurrah?

MAS- Pride of Brazil

BOT- The Real Deal

BUT- Dedicated to Dad

MAG- Better than Dad

HUL- Better seat, please!

PER- Checo? Speedy? whatever

VER- One more chance?

KYV- It's pronounced "Kiveeyat"!

GRO- McLaren next year

MAL- No defamation allowed

SUT- The Piano Man

GUT- Unlucky at Monaco

BIA- Scuderia in waiting

CHI- Better than brother

KOB- Pride of Japan

ERI- Hmmm still thinking...


VET f1's Steve McQueen

RAI f1's Kevin Costner

ALO f1's Al Pacino

HAM f1's Dustin Hofman

MAS f1's Danny Devito


Except VET all others match.


GRO I’ll win soon

MAL Crash test dummy

ROS Not 2nd best

HAM Fast perfect lines

KOB Domo arigato gozaimasu

ERI The invisible man

VER Driving for job

KYV I’m here Helmut

ALO Get lost Ron

RAI Leave me alone

GUT High flying driver

SUT Past his best

BUT Changeable conditions champion

MAG Better than Jan

CHI Anonymous at best

BIA Future Ferrari champion

VET I’ll be back

RIC We’ll win this

MAS It’s his fault

BOT Quicker than Mika

HUL Please recognize me

PER I can drive

Christopher Cathles

Appropriate Acronyms.....

ROS – Races Off Smoothly

HAM – Hungry And Masterful

VET – Variable Eccentric Temperament

RIC – Really Inspirational Chap

ALO – And Loves Overtaking

RAI - Races Alonso Intermittantly

MAG – Masterly And Gifted

BUT – Balanced Under Tension

HUL – Height Utter Liability

PER – Periodically Exceptional Racer

GRO – Gotta' Reach Out (F1's longest neck)

MAL – My Awful Lotus

SUT – Sauber Useless Tank

GUT – Gotta' Useless Tank

VER – Visually Exciting Racer

KVY – Keeps Very Young

MAS – Mindblowing Acrobatic Skills

BOT – Battler On Target

BIA – Brilliance In Abundance

CHI – Can't Hurry I-nuff

KOB – Keep On Battling

ERI – Erratic Racing Individual


ECC - Every Cent Counts (Bernie)

WHI - Will Hold Inquiry (Charlie)


Mine too!


This one gets my vote!


Faster than me.


ALO: Always extracts maximum


I'm going to combine the three words of three drivers into one sentence...

Maldonado, Guiterrez, and Ericsson: "YOU'RE ONLY SUPPOSED TO BLOW THE BL**DY DOORS OFF!"

As for the others:


Hamilton: Always on Fire 😉

Rosberg: Kraftwerk on Wheels


Vettel: Finding No Point (think his celebration heh heh)

Ricciardo: Smiles are Dangerous


Button: Speed Zipped Up

Magnussen: Crumbly Danish Biscuit


ALONSO: Fast Furious Eyebrows

RAIKKONEN: Father Jack F1 (think Father Ted)


GROSJEAN: World's Fastest Lawnmower (reference to poor car)

MALDONADO: See above.


HULKENBERG: The Rhineland Cowboy

PEREZ: Hulkenbergs Mexican Shadow


SUTIL: Not The Stig

GUITERREZ: See above.


VERGNE: Not Daniel Ricciardo.

KYVAT: Most Popular Russian


MASSA: Dodgem Champion 2014

BOTTAS: Heir to Hakkinen


KOBAYASHI: Why Bother Kamui? (unpaid to drive a lawnmower)

ERICSSON: See above.


BIANCHI: Faster than You

CHILTON: Not Quite Tom (reference to his brother)


Kobayashi... why would this dude not just try get a seat in Japan Super Formula. No doubt he's fast enough and his experience should make him attractive.

Plus he would get paid rather than PAY to drive around as a back marker getting older, with too many young guns coming through meaning he will probably never get an offer in another F1 team.


Daniel Riccardo......The Dentist's Dream


ROS:slow but favored

HAM:Nigel Mansel luck

VET:driving a cucumber

RIC:only needs opportunity

ALO:Ferraris wasted chances

RAI:only races beasts

MAG:the best rookie

SUT:Girlfriend more interesting

KOB:too long overlooked

BIA:has illegitimate points


Alonso: Senna + Prost = Alonso


100% agree


Rosberg - Long Game Player

Ricciardo - Stealthy Smiling Assassin

Hamilton - Zoom, Zoom, Ooops

Perez - Podium or Contact

Button - Feeling Papa's Loss

Hulkenburg - Alwyas a bridesmaid

Vettel - refreshingly Maturing Champion

Bottas - Unflinching Future Great

Massa - Rejuvinated Rubens Lite

Kobayashi - Clunker Driving Samurai

Ericsson - Swedish Fish're Better

Magnussen - Underachieving Boy Wonder

Kvyat - Overachieving Boy Wonder

JEV - Too Soon Forgotten

Bianchi - Awaiting the Call

Chilton - Bland like Toast

Grosjean - Hand Dealt Reeks

Maldonado - Back Again, Really?

Raikkonen - Leave Me Alone

Alonso - Modern Magical Maestro


Forgot to do Sauber!

Gutierrez - Improving, But Enough?

Sutil - "Podium? Pretty Please?"


Ricardo. Pleasently competitive

Alonso. Race craft master

Hamilton. 2x Champion in making

Nico. German hope

Vettel. Lost edge

Kimi. Not for him

Massa. Outpaced yet again

Button. Retirement now

Bottas. Future Champion

Hulkenberg. Expected better

Verstappen. Promissing


Alonso: Off to McLaren

Button: Off to Williams

Bianchi: Ready for Ferrari?

Kimi: World Rally Championship...

Bernie: Time to retire


Jean-Eric Vergne: Cul-de-sac.


ROSB - Rewarded for dedication.

HAMI - Emotional and manipulative.

VETT - Taking a break.

RICC - Undaunted by battling.

ALON - Relentless as usual.

RAIK - All at sea.

MASS - Erratic yet quick.

BOTT - My new favourite!

HULK - Needs a Ferrari.

PERE - Rejuvenated and relieved.

BUTT - Struggled since loss.

MAGN - Early promise thwarted.

VERG - Unfortunate with failures.

KVYA - Flashes of brilliance.

MALD - Less aggressive now.

GROS - Hindered by Lotus.

BIAN - Car speed extractor.

CHIL - Presentable and unremarkable.

SUTI - Should be faster.

GUTI - Too many mistakes.

KOBA - Where is spectacular?

ERIC - Most errors winner.

I took it to mean that 3 words is the exact requirement, no more and no less.


Hi James,

Long-time listener, first-time caller. Thanks for all that you do for us.

HAM - Here's Another Masterpiece

ROS - Rising Over Summit

VET - Vicarious Edge Tracker

RIC - Really Into Colgate

GUT - Gut Sut But

SUT - Sut Gut But

BUT - But Gut Sut


Andrew Flemington

Hamilton - Can't beat Rosberg.?

Rosberg - Luckiest German alive.!!

Ricciardo - Aussie Super Star.!!

Vettel - Down, not out.!!

Alonso - Car, not me.?

Raikkonen - Give me time.?

Bottas - Up and coming.!!

Massa - Likeable but average.!!

Magnussen - Beat team mate.!!

Button - Luckiest WDC ever.!!

Hulkenberg - Deserves top car.!!

Perez - Save your money.!!

Kvyat - Could be good.?

Vergne - Try something else.!!


@ Jeff Spencer (reply # 1:5)

VET : "Suzie Doesn't Blow"

Ha!...Now that's a ripper right there...A winner?

Clever, cryptic, funny ~ and with a tech edge

'meaning' that could well be the fair dinkum reason

Vettel not doin' so flash this year. (?)

NB Reckon that little gem'd go straight over the heads

of the F1 fab-boys though...(too technical...?)


Kimi: Three word man.


My entry 🙂 lol:

Nico rosberg: methodical Ninja architect

Lewis Hamilton: heartful soulful speedster /Speedy Sherzinger banger/ Genuine track article

Kimi Raikonnen: Scandanavian shy rebel

Fernando Alonso: Sorcerer mama mia

Sebastian Vettel: car moniker specialist

Daniel Ricciardo: speedy smiley trajectory

Felipe Massa: cosmic conspiracy target

Valletori Bottas: General Bison terminator

Nico Hulkenberg: Master of action

Sergio Perez: Too much action

Adrian Sutil: nightclub fist mechanic

Estaban Gutierezz: There or roundabouts

JE Verne: Through and err

kvyat: The ground Mig29

Max Chilton: Safety car entrepreneur

Jules Bianchi: Junior runway model

Maldanado: Car extremities hitman

Grosgeon: FInally matured inaction

Kobayashi: Street smart samurai

Van Der Garde: Selective-Sky sufferer

Jenson Button: Elequont machinary critic

Kevin Magnussen: Elequont seasonal activation


Hamilton: The silver id

Nando: Formula 1's Narcissus

Vettel: Vini, Vidi, Vici


My congratulations for this entertaining idea. I criticized a part of the English F1 Press, but this web with their proffessionals are an example for rest of Sport journalism along the world.


Button - First on slicks


Ricciardo: Anyone remember Vettel?


Chilton - Driving Miss Daisy

Kimi - Leave Me Alone!

Button - Formula E Awaits

Vettel - Usurped, Ferrari Bound

Alonso - Machiavellian, Frustrated, Waning

Hamilton - Fastest, Petulant, Divisive

Rosberg - Britney Bites Back

Massa - "Bottas is faster"

Riccardio - The Real Deal

Bianchi - Vettel's next teammate

Maldanado - Sponsorship trumps sense


One of the best yet!

roberto marquez

Rosberg- best car winner

Hamilton- fastest non marketable

Ricciardo-the real thing

Alonso- red Spanish bull

Bottas-old man´s face

Vettel- I was champion

Hulkenberg- maybe today ?

Button-follow pal Webber

Massa- courage isn’t enough

Magnussen- stick to rallies

Perez- I will prevail

Raikonen- cool but rude

Vergne- ask the Professor

Grossjean-french Maldonado

Kvyat- rusia´s good boy

Bianchi-two pas suffisants

Maldonado-once is all

Suttil- wait for Mercedes

Gutierrez- Slim chances ( of ) firing

Chilton- car backs specialist

Kobayashi- always at -pole

Ericsson- please ice racingl



BUT: Need more balance

GRO: 1st lap nutcase

MAL: 1st class nutcase

HAM: Need my girlfriend

ROS: I'm from Monaco

RAK: Iceman loves icecream

ALO: Relentless Spanish bullfighter

BOT: Another flying finn

VET: The finger maestro

KOB: Token japanese driver

MAS: For sure, yes

MAG: Better than daddy

RIC: The flying aussie

GUT: What was that

BIA: Better car please

Antonio Palmiotto

Lewis Hamilton :" why always me?"


Nico - Lets do this

Lewis - Stop making mistakes

Alonso - Keep it going

Kimi - Whats going on?

Vettel - What a nightmare

Riccairdo - Quite the surprise

Massa - Where is Bottas?

Bottas - Faster, faster, faster

Button - Need more speed

Magnussen - This 'aint bad

Hulkenberg - Where is Perez?

Perez - Where is Hulkenberg


Lewis Hamilton – Own worst enemy

Felipe Massa - He Crashed Me!


Kimi: nothing to say.

Lewis: let's go racing

Alonso: Ever ready battery

Riccardo: never underestimate him

Massa: flatters to deceive.

Nico: an awkward customer


ROS Dad was spectacular

HAM Girlfriend is spectacular

RIC Glad Webber quit

VET Sad Webber quit

MAS Injury prolonged career

BOT Future world champion

ALO Past his prime

RAI Way past prime

BUT Way way past

MAG Also past prime

HUL Might be good

PER Definitely not good

MAL Crash; show girlfriend

GRO Better than Bourdais

JEV Worse than Bourdais

KVY Way too young

BIA Did something impossible

CHI Possibly last season

SUT Better off fighting

GUT Another pay driver

ERI Back to fishing

KOB Back to sushi


First 4 are genius!


Sebastian Vettel: Need 2013 Car.

Daniel Ricciardo: Next World Champ

Lewis Hamilton: Always Nico's Fault.

Nico Rosberg: Dont Blame Me

Fernando Alonso: Always in it

Kimi Raikkonen: Need More Power

Romain Grosjean: Hope I finish

Pastor Maldonado: Must maintain sponsors

Jenson Button: Pretty in Pink

Kevin Magnussen: Good half time

Nico Hulkenberg: Winner in making.

Sergio Perez: Not real deal.

Adrian Sutil: Going to DTM.

Esteban Gutierrez: Potential in waiting.

Jean-Eric Vergne: On last legs.

Daniil Kvyat: Kicking Vernge's butt.

Felipe Massa: Bottas is faster.

Valtteri Bottas: First win soon.

Jules Bianchi: Next Ferrari driver

Max Chilton: Making up numbers.

Kamui Kobayashi: Everyone needs one.

Marcus Ericsson: Who is he.


Daniel Ricciardo: The Smiling Assassin


Ok, Sounds like fun:

Rosberg: Under Lewis' skin

Hamilton: Keep your head

Ricciardo: What a revelation!

Alonso: Deserves another title

Vettel: Was it real?

Bottas: Come of age

Hulkenberg: Better than Kimi

Button: Lost the fire?

Massa: Unlucky old boy!

Magnussen: One race wonder

Perez: On his day...

Raikkonen: Choc-Ice man

Vergne: Helmut's sacking you

Grosjean: What a nightmare!

Kvyat: A quick learner

Bianchi: What a star!

Sutil: he's still here?

Ericsson: Who is that?

Maldonaldo: Chill your wheels

Gutierrez: Almost forgot him

Chilton: Finishing last again

Kobayashi: The last dance 🙁


Faster than me!


HAM: Might be champion

ROS: Might be champion

VET: Which way's up?

RIC: Follow the leader...

RAI: Just kiling time

ALO: Get me out

MAS: Still got it

BOT: No you don't!

PER: I told you

HUL: Don't forget me

MAG: This IS tough

BUT: One more time

VER: Look, down here!

KVY: Here I come

GRO: Gaspliier mon talent

MAL: Calming down now

CHI: Stuck here forever?

BIA: Go home Kimi!

GUI: This is 'fun'...

SUT: What's the point?

ERI: Who ARE you?

KOB: Living the dream...?!


RIC: The 'Grin' Reaper


Efficient marathon startegists!

Incidentally, 3 ways to improve the F1 show:

1. Get rif of team radio's - manage the car, use your pitboard.

All this chatter is dull anyway. Getting rid of constant updates will bring an air of unpredictability to strategies.

2. Get rif of all the button's/dials on the steering wheel - 3 button's/dial's allowed maximum, 1 has to be for DRS the other two to be agreed by the teams.

3. Pirelli to bring 2 sets of every compound (supersoft/soft/medium/hard) to each GP (quali and race). Teams can use these compounds as they wish but the 8 sets of tyres must last quali and GP. If you chose not to run in quali to save tyres you are demoted to the rear of the grid. Every compound must be used during GP weekend (Practise not included obviously). Pole sitter gets an additional set of tyres of his choice for the race.

Not perfect I know, but it'll liven things up and give teams a greater choice of tyre compound that best suits their car.


Like this!


Fernando Alonso = Relentless committed warrior


Ricciardo, Kangaroo, hoppingly, brilliant


Red Bull:

DR: Uncaged smiling beast

SV: 2fingers to Multi22


FA: Relentlessly qualifying fifth

KR: Leave icecream alone


No country for : NR

LH: Conspiracies and Cool-quotient


JB: Never comprehensively beaten

KM: Ron's Lewis#2 search

Force India:

NH: Forever best Midfielder

SP: Elbows out. Ouch!


FM: Fernando's faster baby

VB: MAXIMUM championship ATTACK

Toro Rosso:

DK: Speed gets seat ----- P.S. - Sirotkin

JEV: Deserves to stay


AS: Very Hot GF

EG: Teammate's got Hottie


RG: Fastest underrated nutcase

PM: PiquetJr. was here.


JB: Suzi Perry crush

MC: Slow steady Last


KK: Nice Banzai Samurai

ME: Who is this?


Its difficult to get to the stage where Piquet Jr crashed


Rosberg, fast and lucky.

Hamilton, faster but unlucky

Massa, never his fault

Bottas, quietly beating Massa

Ricciardo, noisily beating Vettel

Vettel, proving doubters right.

Grosjean, trying to shine

Maldonado, talent level inadequate

Button, polished, professional, steady

Magnusson, flashes of brilliance

Kvyat, not like rookie

Vergne, calm composed competent

Sutill, shouldn't have returned

Gutterez, brings big bucks.

Hulkenberg, biding his time

Perez, very good...sometimes

Bianchi, showing his talent

Chilton, steadily solidly slow

Erricson, invisible at back

Kobayashi, no longer cowboybashi

Raikkonen, must try harder

Alonso, still the boss.


Alonso Held back

BUT second to alonso

Lewis likes been on the ropes

ROS yet to show hand

Benanci Fleeting Promise

RIC Happy go lucky

Chiltern Move forward or out

SEB what else is left

RIKKI Head full with other things

HULK Reach his nemisis

Perez Maturing

Massa Needs to show

Bottas Needs two years to get there


ROS - Right On Song

HAM - Hindrances Are Mechanical

VET - Vanished Exhaust Trickery

RIC - Ripening Into Champion

RAI - Requires An Ice-cream

ALO - Always Looks Overqualified

MAS - May Act Skittishly

BOT - Bags Of Talent

PER - Provokes Exasperation Regularly

HUL - Has Unsufficient Lightness

MAG - Might Achieve Greatness

BUT - Bygone Unexpected Title-winner

VER - Vehemently Envies Ricciardo

KVY - Kiboshing Vergne's Year

GRO - Gambled Rashly Once

MAL - Mishaps Are Life-threatening

CHI - Can't Hide Inadequacy

BIA - Basking In Adulation

GUT - Generally Unimpressive Technique

SUT - Sliced Up Tycoon

ERI - Early Retirement Imminent

KOB - Keep On Believing

Christopher Cathles

Nice one, Iceman! Better than mine @160.

What's your take on ECC (Bernie) and WHI (Charlie Whiting)?

And whilst I'm here.....

JAONF1 = Jaw-Ache ON Five-live 1 (sorry James)


Thanks Christopher! Hmm, how about Enjoys Counting Cash and White Haired Investigator?


Ros: Ich bin (ein) Wiesbadener (Not English, not three words, but the FIA is not so strict anymore, why should JA be?)

Ham: I was surprised

Alo: Just one more!

Rai: Have not forgotten

Mas: It´s a pity

But: All is fine

Per: In the kitchen

Mal: Where am I?

Hul: Damn, missed one!

Gro: What went wrong?

Ric: Outstanding job, mate!

Vet: Stop smiling, mate!

Ver: I prefer Tororosso

Kvy: You see me?

Sut: I´ll be here

Gut: Send more money!!!!

Bot: Just watch me


Vettel- Not his year.

Ricciardo- Faster than Vettel

Hamilton- On the charge.

Rosberg- The new Prost.

Massa- Free at last!

Bottas- Looks very promising.

Alonso- Must be seething.

Raikkonen- Needs more front.

Button- Waste of space.

Magnesson- Signs of talent.

Vergne- Toro Rosso quality.

Kvayt- Destined for greatness.

Hulkenburg- Future World Champion.

Perez- Fast but daft.

Grossean- Needs to move.

Maldonado- What a diddy.

Gutierez- I'm not convinced.

Sutil- Should be dropped.

Bianchi- Future F1 star.

Chilton- Good consistent performer.

Erikkson- Typical pay driver.

Kobiashi- Was quick once.


@brent, if you paid attention to f1 you would have noticed that all the drivers were asked who the knarliest driver was in 2008 and they all named hamilton. this was then reported in the official f1 magazine. for your information i am a fanatic of the truth so i find it excruciatingly painful to tell untruths.


SV: car not me

DR: not just company


KR: damned if stayed

LH: needs more poles

NR: friends no more

JB: Honda is next?

KM: one more year

SP: Force is strong

NH: why still here?

VB: new fast Finn

FM: Smedley back yeah!

JEV: last chance saloon

DK: Sure to stay

JB: principality points purloined

MC: steady not slow

KK: too far away

ME: faceless boy racer

AS: year too many

EG: money not enough

RG: could run quicker

PM: Barcelona just dream?

Sorry for random order - couldn't remember the actual numbers


Aargh FA: Schumi not me?


VET - Suzie loves Dan

HAM - Act think apologise

ALO - Enigmatic Machiavellian Musketeer

MAG - Jan sorry Kevin

RIC - Sebastian who?

RAI - The thawing Finn

MAL - Crash boom bang

BOT - Fastest Flying Finn

HUL - 27 dresses

GRO - No longer nuts

BIA - Move over Kimi

JAonF1 Measured Insightful Analysis!


Has this replaced the pagelle? Either way, here goes:

Sebastian Vettel: Driver in transition

Daniel Ricciardo: The real deal

Lewis Hamilton: Fastest Mercedes driver

Nico Rosberg: Consistent, don't underestimate!

Fernando Alonso: Moody miracle worker

Kimi Raikkonen: The real Kimi?

Romain Grosjean: Spain the highlight

Pastor Maldonado: De Cesaris reincarnated!

Jenson Button: A difficult time

Kevin Magnussen: Old school rookie

Nico Hulkenberg: Legacy of A1GP!

Sergio Perez: Displays streaky brilliance!

Adrian Sutil: Can do better

Esteban Gutierrez: Good or not?

Felipe Massa: Must stay calm

Valtteri Bottas: Mid-season honeymoon period

Jules Bianchi: Daydream in Monaco!

Max Chilton: Still too slow

Kamui Kobayashi: Where is he?

Marcus Ericson: Flying Sweden's flag!


Oh dear! I forgot the Toro Rosso drivers!

Jean-Eric Vergne: Wet weather expert?

Danil Kvyat: Age no barrier


Valtteri Bottas - Fast Finn Four


Sebastian Vettel = Looking over Shoulder

Daniel Ricciardo = Here I come!


LH: new Nigel Mansell

NR: nice hair champ

FA: never give up

KR: mumble mumble mumble

JB: driving for Dad

KM: driving like Dad

PM: Get spanners out

VB: future world champ

FM: fast but moans

AS: fast grid filler

DK: time for school

MC: slower than Jules

JB: dreams of Ferrari

DR: the real deal

SV: lost his touch

RG: average nice guy

KK: dreams of Honda


LH: Disappearialis Quickius Incredibilus

FA: Accelerati - Velocitus - Asphaltus

PM: Grotesques - Overconfidentii - Riduclii